Becky's Journal

I'm participating in a study that involves mothers of children with volatile behaviors journaling on a regular basis. Here is my entry from last week. I needed to write about a relationship. I chose to write about my relationship with Ricky.

My relationship with my son, Ricky, is complicated. He is not a touchy-feely type of kid, but when he is happy to see me he will lean on me and love on me and I know that he loves me. He is often standoffish in social situations, because he doesn't know how he should be acting. But when he leans on me and loves on me, I know he's either not feeling well, or showing me that he loves me.

Recently, a new dynamic has come into play -- Ricky becoming a teenager. I get a bit of attitude from him now. He is hostile and even aggressive toward his brother. I know that, even though he's a wiry, skinny kid, I can probably not restrain him now if he gets to be out of control. And I am on my own, a single mom, so if that happens, it's all on me.

Nowadays he frequently moans and groans at me about his breathing treatments. When he is angry and volatile, sometimes he refuses his meds. That really scares me too. I try to be patient with him but sometimes it's hard to remember that he's different from most kids -- that he doesn't always understand. Most of all, when he's in the middle of a rage or is being unreasonable, it's not under his control. He can't understand reason. When I try to reason with him at one of these times, it's like talking to a brick wall. I have to wait until he has calmed down and only then can we go over what happened and try to figure out a solution.

In the end, and at the end of the day, Ricky is my oldest. My first baby. My initiation into parenthood. And what an initiation it was... A premature baby with multiple health, and later, developmental issues. But from the moment I first held him, when he was a couple of weeks old, I knew I was his mama. My relationship with him has not always been solid or easy, but I am always his mom. I think he knows that, even when he's having a rage. I don't know what I'd do without him. I know I'm going to be facing that eventuality because of his cystic fibrosis... He won't always be around. But for now, I am going to enjoy the relationship I have with this amazing kid.

Starting off the list for 2010.

1. The Virgin of Small Plains by Nancy Pickard (audiobook) finished 1/7/10
2. The End of Overeating by David Kessler (audiobook) finished 1/16/10
3. Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz (audiobook) finished 1/27/10
4. Green River Running Red by Ann Rule (audiobook) finished 2/2/10
5. The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove by Christopher Moore (audiobook and printed book) finished 2/4/10
6. Forever Odd by Dean Koontz (audiobook) finished 2/8/10
7. The Beekeeper's Apprentice by Laurie K. Smith (audiobook) finished 3/1/10
8. In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan (audiobook) finished 3/4/10
9. Coraline by Neil Gaiman (audiobook) finished 3/5/10
10. Practical Demonkeeping by Christopher Moore (audiobook and book) finished 3/9/10
11. Island of the Sequined Love Nun by Christopher Moore (audiobook) finished 3/14/10
12. Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger (audiobook) finished 3/18/10
13. American Gods by Neil Gaiman (audiobook) finished 4/5/10
14. Against Medical Advice by James Patterson (audiobook) finished 4/6/10
15. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame Smith (audiobook) finished 4/13/10
16. Bite Me: A Love Story by Christopher Moore (printed book and audiobook) finished 4/14/10
17. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman (audiobook) finished 4/18/10
18. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore (audiobook; originally read printed book) finished 5/1/10
19. Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult (audiobook) finished 5/8/10
20. House Rules by Jodi Picoult (audiobook) finished 5/13/10
21. Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman (audiobook) finished 5/18/10
22. Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult (audiobook) finished 5/29/10
23. Caught by Harlan Coben (audiobook) finished 6/2/10
24. R is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton (audiobook) finished 6/9/10
25. Lost in the Forest by Sue Miller (audiobook) finished 6/22/10
26. S is for Silence by Sue Grafton (audiobook) finished 6/26/10
27. Sizzling Sixteen by Janet Evanovich (audiobook) finished 6/28/10
28. Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman (audiobook) finished 7/3/10
29. Brother Odd by Dean Koontz (audiobook) finished 7/12/10
30. UR by Stephen King (audiobook) finished 7/16/10
31. Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell (audiobook) finished 7/17/10
31. Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult (audiobook) finished 7/28/10
32. No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith (audiobook) finished 8/11/10
33. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris (audiobook and ebook) finished 8/17/10
34. Hold Tight by Harlan Coben (audiobook) finished 8/24/10
35. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen (audiobook) finished 9/2/10 LOVE LOVE LOVE
36. Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult (audiobook) finished 9/8/10
37. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyer (audiobook) finished 9/9/10 UGH
38. Crazy Town by Sterling Braswell finished 9/9/10
39. Every Last One by Anna Quindlen (audiobook) finished 9/14/10
40. Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner (Kindle book and audiobook) finished 9/19/10
41. Second Glance by Jodi Picoult (audiobook and printed book) finished 9/29/10
42. A Touch of Dead by Charlaine Harris (audiobook) finished 10/1/10
43. Wasted by Marya Hornbacher (audiobook) finished 10/5/10
44. T is for Trespass by Sue Grafton (audiobook) finished 10/7/10
45. Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman (audiobook) finished 10/15/10
46. The Women by TC Boyle (audiobook) finished 10/21/10
47. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson (audiobook) finished 11/2/10
48. Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain (audiobook) finished 11/30/10
49. The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson (audiobook) finished 12/19/10
50. Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (audiobook) finished 12/28/10

Made it to 50!

Links to previous years' lists:
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005

A Blogger blog has been set up specifically for discussing Emily McDonald (irangel) and the accusations against her, etc. She is the person I posted about the other day who is accused of attempting to harm her own daughter in the hospital.

The blog is at this address. Feel free to read, contribute, etc.

Nevermind. It's gone.

Behold, a new article: Parenting the Special Needs Child: Books for the Journey (well, it is on Examiner too).

And a new funny Misty video: Misty is a pudding mess

Please, if you would, click the links and recommend? Thanks!!

My first Associated Content article has been published! It is about warning signs of breast cancer and you can read it here. (If you could click and recommend I would be grateful... But also it's good and important information!

Today is the 9th anniversary of my dad's death. It is also Don't Fry Day, which always happens on the Friday before Memorial Day weekend.

My dad died of metastatic melanoma. It started in 1991 with one of many cancerous spots he had removed by his dermatologist. This was the first malignant melanoma spot. It was near his temple.

It cropped up again in 1999 in his vertebra, although it took a while to figure out what was wrong. The melanoma at this point was already stage IV and progressed quickly to his liver, one kidney, and brain. He underwent spinal fusion and numerous chemotherapy and radiation treatments, largely for comfort because there would be no cure.

He also had non-small cell lung cancer (unusual to have two types of cancer at the same time) but ultimately died from the melanoma invading his digestive tract. We knew he didn't have long, but it still came WAY too quickly. We didn't feel like we had time to say goodbye. His virtual memorial is here. He was a father, son, uncle, and my mom's soulmate.

Yes, today (for another 20 minutes or so, anyway) is Don't Fry Day, but it is important EVERY day of the year to remember to use sunscreen.

Don't look like this:


Andrew, age 10

My dad adored his grandsons. I wish he had lived long enough to meet Misty. He would adore her as well.


My dad with Andrew (8 months old) in 1997


My dad with Ricky (12 months old) in 1996

Last year I made some Valentine's Day icons. You can find them here.

And now here are some more icons for January and February holidays...

Rules:
+ Please comment and credit if you take any
+ No hotlinking
+ Enjoy!

( under the cut )

Today I shopped at Walgreens, and got $41.01 worth of food and other necessities for $19.23. Later, I went to Safeway, and got $118.89 worth of groceries for a mere $59.69.

And how did I do it?

A blogging friend turned me on to The Grocery Game (thegrocerygame.com). Basically the people there compile the info for the stores in your area. For my zip code they have Safeway, Rite Aid, and Walgreens. I am just starting my 4 week free trial, which is nice to see if I'm really going to use it.

Basically they peruse the Sunday ads and coupons and each week they come up with a list of recommendations for each store, showing the prices and which coupons you should use. The idea is that you clip coupons for stuff you usually buy, each week, out of the Sunday paper. You save them and use them when they tell you to use them. Also, they have stuff out of those Easy Saver type rebate books in their recommendations. That's how I got the jumbo size of Pert shampoo for free (after rebate) today at Walgreens. Keep in mind, though, that the savings I accomplished today were done with hardly any coupons, as I only ordered the Sunday paper today! At Walgreens, I used four of the coupons from their weekly flyer (which you can get in the store) and at Safeway, I used one manufacturer's coupon that I printed off of the internet. Imagine the damage I could do if I had a stockpile of coupons!

The idea is that you stock up on stuff when it is cheap, and store it for when you need it. This assumes you have some storage space. I happen to have a chest freezer that I've been working on cleaning out, so I have room for the frozen stuff, and I just cleaned out my pantry closet so I could store all of the $1 cake mixes and $1.50 pasta that I bought today. So basically you are buying stuff you're going to use anyway, but you buy it when it's on sale, so that when you need it you have it and don't have to buy it at full price. There is a cycle of sales, so eventually you end up with everything you need for your pantry and freezer.

Does that make sense?

Anyway, I'm really having fun with it so far and I highly recommend it. If you want to try it, again it's thegrocerygame.com and if you're feeling generous you could put me as the referrer -- beckerbuns@gmail.com -- as that will get me some free weeks down the line.

Oh and after they start charging, after the free four-week trial, it's something like $.60 per week per store. Not bad considering I just saved almost $80 today!

Hope all that makes sense... I know I tend to ramble...

I'm a doof and haven't mentioned this yet... Durr.

But I'm walking in the Great Strides walk to cure cystic fibrosis this Sunday. Our team is modest... Probably just me and the kids (though I'm trying to convince Dave) but we're doing our part! I've raised $75 so far. If anyone is interested in helping out, the page to donate is here.

I am also doing the Cystic Fibrosis Research, Inc. Mother's Day Tea. This consists of a tea bag, picture of Ricky, and "invitation" being sent to solicit donations. No one is obligated to donate, but if you'd like to get an invitation, please leave your name and snail mail address in the comments of this post. I am screening comments. Or, if you'd prefer, you can email me (email address in my profile).

Thank you all for your consideration. :)

I made some userpics! Well, I've made some before, but I think that this is the first time I have shared them publicly...

Anyway here you go.

Guidelines:
+ no hotlinking
+ comment here and credit me beckerbuns if you use one

Source: Getty

( they're under the cut... )